Problem? Let Uncle Terry Help

Your problems answered by EYE ON STOKE's resident agony uncle, Uncle Terry.

Uncle Terry, I may have accidentally sold some weapons-grade plutonium to a country from the 'Axis of Evil'. What should I do? - "Mr Niblet", Packmoor

While technically treason, most people see this as wheeling-and-dealing. It's the culture we live in, thanks mainly to 'Only Fools And Horses'. Just make sure you've got a plonker like Rodney you can shift the blame onto if the shit hits the fan.

I've told everyone I know that I'm gay to be interesting and different, but I'm not really. It's gotten to the point where I'm gonna have to shit or get off the pot. Help me please - Phil, Cobridge

You've made your bed, now you're going to have to lie in it, I'm afraid. You can't go pulling people's heartstrings like that. And sucking men off really isn't that bad, you'll see.

While stalking a woman I work with, I saw her kill someone in what I suspect to be a racially-motivated attack. The old bill haven't got a clue, as always. Should I turn her in? - Jeff, Hanley

If you turn her over to "the filf" then you won't be able to stalk her anymore because she'll be stuck in the pokey. So if you plan on stalking her more, then no. You may even be able to blackmail her into a sexual relationship. If you want to be a hero, then go for it, but we both know you won't do that.