2016 Review: October

Barry's Comet, a near-parabolic comet that only passes Earth every 1,500 years or so, veered off its normal trajectory and crashed into Endon, destroying the town and most of its puny residents.

Rather than trying to help, Stoke City Council set up a hard border at Stockton Brook to stop survivors from flooding into Stoke. "When Endon chose to be a part of the Staffordshire Moorlands rather than Stoke-on-Trent, it chose to do without our help," city councillor Klam Rainbows explained. "And let's be honest, that comet is foreign and could have monsters or anything on it."

Rugby Fan Admits Error

Tab Brownlee, one of the few rugby fans in Stoke, has admitted the error of his ways and started to like football instead.

"If I'm honest, I said I liked rugby once just to be awkward," the events planner from Stockton Brook said. "It became a thing people associated with me so I just kept up the lie."

Tab has already bought some official Stoke City socks and pants and hopes to attend his first football match this season.

"Living a lie for so long is tiring," Tab admits. "I'm looking forward to relaxing and enjoying sport for a change."