Crewe Is Shit, Report Says

A new report published by Stoke City Council has concluded that Crewe is "shit" and that anyone who would want to go there instead of Stoke is "literally bonkers".

"When we set up our new report centre at a cost of millions earlier this year, people thought we were literally bonkers," council spokesman Jinky Watkins said at a press conference to launch the report earlier today. "But quality work like this is proof of our investment, as if it were needed."

Crewe, yesterday

The report takes into account eye witness reports from scores of people who have visited Stoke's neighbour to the west.

"We do not expect Crewe to comment on our discourse," report co-author Benny Wednesday says in his footnotes. "They would have to be able to read to do that, and we all know they can't. Fact."

Stoke’s Rap Community Hits Back At Crewe

Hip hop artists in Stoke have rapped back at two teenagers from Crewe whose song, 'Streets of Crewe', has been an internet "sensation"...

http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/Internet-rap-stars-critics-controversial-video/story-16209019-detail/story.html

MJB and Illusion’s hard hitting portrayal of Crewe, a place where you can see "10-year-old children buying fags", has been mocked in Stoke, home of the most vibrant hip hop scene in England.

"The song's a fantasy," says MC Davezilla of the Stoke Solid Crew. "Ev’r’one knows Crewe’s a dump, but ain’t no guns. Word."

"Ain't nobody worth shootin' there, just white trash, ya feel me?" added MC Stevezilla, a member of the same crew.

You can watch the video for 'Streets of Crewe' here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OfRT2Z2cLY

Norton rapper Denny G was the first MC to rap back at MJB and Illusion:

Those Crewe boys make me laugh so hard

Make me think "what a pair of fucktards"

If they come and try it

I’m gonna let em have it

Shove my uzi up their muthafuckin' arse and fire it

Longton-based rhymemaster Prince Killa, who made the notorious album 'Straight Outta Longton', soon added his thoughts via the medium of rap:

Yo daddy so proud o’ ya

I wish you were Marvin Gaye

So yo daddy would kill ya

Aiiii

Finally, here was MC Davezilla's response:

Don’t lie to me fool

Ain't no guns in crewe

Betta not cum to stoke

Cus we’ll shoot ya in the throat

Everyone in Stoke's hip hop community is eagerly awaiting a response from the Crewe massive.