2016 Review: December

Ancient cave paintings were discovered by students in Packmoor on a school trip, which local historians claim to be over 18,000 years old!

"This is the historical find of the century," Staffordshire University lecturer Quentin Git proclaimed. "These give an insight into ancient humanity that no other similar find in the whole world has ever done. We've yet to decipher everything, like what words like 'dave' or 'shaz' or 'tupac' mean, or why they had a fascination with drawing ejaculating penises, but this changes everything we thought we knew about the world and humanity."

Stokie To Become Pope?

When current Pope Benedict stands down at the end of the month, word on the street is that the next man in line to replace him could be a Stokie.

The Archbishop of Packmoor, Terry Biggins, has so far refused to rule himself out of the race for the big job.

Archbishop Terry Biggins

"Although I'm happy here in Packmoor, if one of the big teams like The Vatican comes in for me, I will have to consider my options," he told Signal Gold breakfast host Mad Mick.

"I'm an ambitious man and would love to get into Europe and onto the big stage," he added.

2012 Review: October

Stoke was devastated by a MASSIVE earthquake in October, that ripped the city into two parts and killed over half of the city's population.

Packmoor, after the earthquake

Singer Jonathan Wilkes, who survived the earthquake by pushing less important people such as children and old people out of his way, commemorated the dead with a charity single, "Tremors of Love", that was a best seller among the city's devastated surviving population.

As a consequence of the earthquake, many Stokies, especially those from towns in the grim north, reverted to looting and violence as a way of coping with their grief.

2012 Review: February

Following rumours about Royalist involvement in the assassination of city elder Derek Wiggy in January, Stoke erupted into civil war in February.

Royalist forces from the south of Stoke, who wanted Stoke to remain part of the UK, took control of the city after a surprise assault on the north. However, Republican pockets of resistance continued to fight. Only Fegg Hayes remained officially not under control of the UK government and Royalist forces, and swore allegiance to Stoke's Council of Elders.

Fegg Hayes's stance inspired other towns in Stoke to stand up to Royalist invaders. Swamp guerrilla fighters in Sneyd Green took back the town, as did mountain warriors in Packmoor. After winning a series of battles, Republican forces marched into Hanley and placed their flag around the shoulders of the statue of Sir Stanley Matthews, just outside of Poundland.

With the northern forces being short of funds, Royalists stopped benefit payments and set up a blockade to stop urgent supplies getting to the north of the city. These blockades were easily breached by people from the Staffordshire Moorlands however who brought much needed cigarettes and alcohol for the resistance fighters.

Bolstered by the entire ranks of the British Army, Navy and RAF, the Royalists slowly asserted control back over the city, and after more than two weeks of war, during which over half of Stoke's population was killed, Royalist forces under the command of Michael Gove eventually captured Fegg Hayes and Stoke fell back under UK control.

Escaped Stoke Paedophile Becomes Star In Indonesia

An escaped paedophile from Stoke who served 1 day of a 135 year sentence has become a celebrity in Indonesia after reaching the finals of a singing reality television show! Phil Globe – the so-called "Packmoor Paedo" – has become a hit on the show Asing Star – or Foreign Star – after drawing high praise for his rendition of the classic Indonesian romantic ballad, 'I Love Your Nose'.

Interviewed by the Jakarta Mail newspaper, he said: "The number of viewers is quite possibly bigger than the population of Stoke."  Mr Globe, 64, who now works in Indonesia as a school caretaker, said he was not prepared for the amount of attention he has received.

Phil Globe does regular webcam shows for fans

The programme, which features expatriates singing in Indonesian, is watched by about 19 million people. "I didn't expect this to happen," he added. "If I'd realised it would get this much attention, I would probably have been too embarrassed."

Asked whether he would leave the country if offered a record deal,   he said: "It would have to be a pretty good recording deal. And a country with no diplomatic relations with Stoke or the UK."