Stoke Turns Yellow As Storm Ophelia Gets Mad For It

Stoke got a yellowy glow for the first time in years today as Storm Ophelia blew sands from north Africa, making the sun appear red in the sky.

"This is the yellowest Stoke has been since the urine factory in Newstead exploded, sending a mist of stale piss across the city," environmental expert Humbert Leech said. "Good times."

Slowing drivers on the M6 caused massive pile-ups leading to thousands of deaths. Fortunately, most of this happened next to a morgue and cemetery for ease of collection.

Police Appeal For Witnesses

Barry The Clown

Police have appealed for witnesses after an incident yesterday that left a clown with a pie on his face.

Barry The Clown was entertaining at a children's garden party on Gash Road in Newstead when a cream pie was thrown into his face by one of the children, though by which one remains a mystery.

Staffordshire Police were called and detained the children for questioning. Under local laws, they can be held for 2 years without charge.

"We are determined to get to the bottom of this," police spokesman PC Barry Shanks said. "If any passers-by saw anything, now is the time to come forward. Clowns are people too and shouldn't be subject to these kind of calculated attacks. We are treating this as a hate crime."

Once the culprit is discovered, Barry The Clown plans on pressing criminal charges, and taking the case to a civil court to seek compensation.