Staffordshire Moorlands Special

We have had a lot of requests from readers in the Staffordshire Moorlands asking for news for the region as the news sources there are "gobshittingly fuckwitted" and "an offence to anyone with more than one brain cell". So, due to popular demand...

SMUC Call Strike

The Staffordshire Moorlands Union of Corn Worshippers (SMUC) have called a general strike for 22 December following a vote by members.

"The reasons for this strike are many and numerous and plenty and nothing to do with getting an extra day Christmas shopping for our members," SMUC general secretary Andy Caravan said in a statement.

Farmers Charity Night

The annual Leek Farmers' Charity Night was a rousing success, raising £81 for bald children. The Wanking For Charity event, held at The Big Barn, saw a massive turnout of local farmers and their sister wives.

The main raffle prize, a scarecrow with the face of a Frenchman, was won by Durlit Cockspike.

2016 Review: October

Barry's Comet, a near-parabolic comet that only passes Earth every 1,500 years or so, veered off its normal trajectory and crashed into Endon, destroying the town and most of its puny residents.

Rather than trying to help, Stoke City Council set up a hard border at Stockton Brook to stop survivors from flooding into Stoke. "When Endon chose to be a part of the Staffordshire Moorlands rather than Stoke-on-Trent, it chose to do without our help," city councillor Klam Rainbows explained. "And let's be honest, that comet is foreign and could have monsters or anything on it."

2012 Review: September

With the change of season came a change of language in Stoke as French was chosen as the city's official new language when English was bought out by French energy company Dalkia.

The move to the new language and culture was a smooth one as most Stokies were already fluent in the latin tongue and enjoy croissants and cigarettes.

Elsewhere, the Russian state circus came to the city, coinciding with an increase in pick-pocketing, child-abduction and bear-maulings. These happenings are thought to be unrelated.

September also saw further kidnappings by pirates operating on Lake Burslem, when an elderly couple from nearby Leek were taken. The government of the Staffordshire Moorlands market town refused to negotiate with the pirates leading to the ruthless execution of the couple, broadcast live on the internet.