Stoke Turns Yellow As Storm Ophelia Gets Mad For It

Stoke got a yellowy glow for the first time in years today as Storm Ophelia blew sands from north Africa, making the sun appear red in the sky.

"This is the yellowest Stoke has been since the urine factory in Newstead exploded, sending a mist of stale piss across the city," environmental expert Humbert Leech said. "Good times."

Slowing drivers on the M6 caused massive pile-ups leading to thousands of deaths. Fortunately, most of this happened next to a morgue and cemetery for ease of collection.

2016 Review: July

As Hurricane Barry swept through Stoke, flattening most houses and people in the western half of the city, the surviving residents of the city were touched by the story of Bobby Kittens, who was pulled out from rubble alive ten days after the disaster.

Convicted paedophile and child sex trafficker Bobby, 63, had survived by eating the flesh of children also trapped in the cellar of his house when the building collapsed on top of them. 'The miracle of Peep Street', as the incident became known, inspired documentaries and novels and earned Bobby the freedom of the city, giving him immunity from prosecution for any future crimes he may commit.

2016 Review: February

Valentine's Day in Stoke normally means one thing: riots! By angry young men! But this year, the riots never happened, as Stoke was hit by a series of tidal waves that quite literally washed the scum from the streets, and left the city under 30 feet of water. In the aftermath, Stoke reverted to a sea-based pirate culture where only the strongest and most vicious survived.

Elsewhere, a human shit in an adult playground in Fegg Hayes was discovered with the face of Jesus in it. A religious community was formed around the shit, leading to a shanty town being built at the site to house the Christians and their icon. A holy war broke out between the Christians and local heathens, costing the lives of thousands, which only ended when someone accidentally stepped on the shit.

Toxic Fog Could Hit Stoke

A deadly fog currently devastating Yorkshire could be headed to Stoke, experts have warned.

"I went to Rotherham the other day, it was a total fucking shit hole," truck driver Kenny Batter said. "I have to assume that this was entirely due to the fog, and Rotherham was nothing like that beforehand."

Rotherham, yesterday

"A mixture of the deadly toxins of the fog and the deadly toxins that already exist in the everyday air in Yorkshire is a deadly combination," science expert Tab Purples said. "Though I'm no science expert."

RAF Trentham has been ordered to point its nuclear weapons at the sky in case the fog arrives.