A new report published by Stoke City Council has concluded that Crewe is "shit" and that anyone who would want to go there instead of Stoke is "literally bonkers".
"When we set up our new report centre at a cost of millions earlier this year, people thought we were literally bonkers," council spokesman Jinky Watkins said at a press conference to launch the report earlier today. "But quality work like this is proof of our investment, as if it were needed."
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| Crewe, yesterday |
The report takes into account eye witness reports from scores of people who have visited Stoke's neighbour to the west.
"We do not expect Crewe to comment on our discourse," report co-author Benny Wednesday says in his footnotes. "They would have to be able to read to do that, and we all know they can't. Fact."
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