Lord Hankey's Column

By Tory Peer Lord Hankey of Bentilee

The motto of my alma mater (St Percy's School For Boys in Newbury) was "destruo imbecillitas" (destroy weakness), and if there's one thing I'm passionate about, it's the complete and utter destruction of the HS2 rail link programme. Some of my ancestors built, or at least project-managed, the building of many of this fair land's train infrastructure and this project is a disgrace. It's unnecessary, environmentally damaging and ugly. It's like adding crazy paving onto Buckingham Palace.

I'd like to congratulate our Oriental friends in Tokyo on being awarded the Olympic games in 2020. I spent some time in Tokyo in the early 1970s, and I'm not embarrassed to say that I fully embraced the culture there, even after my early reservations. I briefly married a local girl out there, a lovely young lass called Kyoto, schooled in all the Eastern arts, who I'd met at the local opium den. The marriage was eventually annulled of course as I was still married to Mrs Hankey, who I'd completely forgotten about, back in Blighty. I don't know what happened to my Kyoto but I heard she went on to marry a French cartographer. Such is life. Anyway, it's safe to say that Mrs Hankey wasn't too impressed by any of this carry on and I had to sleep out in those ghastly guest quarters in the East wing for quite some time before I was allowed back into the marital chambers. I also recall joining a Yakuza gang out there called the Yamaguchi. One of those mafia types as I remember it. It was the damndest thing, driving around Tokyo, hanging out of cars shooting at people you don't know for a turf war you don't understand, I can tell you. I've since had the gang tattoos removed by lasers but the memories are permanent.