What's The Beef?

By Dick Mellor, the people's champion.

Why are we all so bothered that our beef supplies have turned out to be largely horse meat? I'll tell you why: because the lefty, lesbi-friends, veggie elite, who want to turn us all into mindless automatons who get our nutrients from "natural" foods and hug trees, have made such a fuss about it. Well I for one won't be giving up meat and will be buying up supplies of the beef lasagne that contains the horse meat, I don't care. Give me a scorpion on a stick, like that lot of commies in the Orient eat, I'll take it, as long as it's classed as meat. Eating meat is natural and it's the only way we can to stand up to this menace.

I also see that our clam-munching friends at the Guardian are trying to put an end to Page 3. I met a Guardian reader once and he was a pervert. If I wanna look at titties, and I do, then I should be allowed to do so. If you don't like looking at titties, then fuck off to commie China, where titties are outlawed.

*This week's column is dedicated to our departing Pope.