Uncle Terry Solves Your Problems, No Thanks Needed

Your problems answered by EYE ON STOKE's resident agony uncle, Uncle Terry.

One of my neighbours sneaks into my lovely garden and night and shits in the middle of my lawn. I've confronted her but she denies it even though I've seen her do it. What should I do? - Ken Bird, Norton

I would do the same to her, see how she likes it. Wander into her garden the next time you need a dump and give her a taste of her own medicine. If this doesn't work, consider leaving traps on your lawn at night.

Even though I work as a lawyer, and earn lots of money, I've always dreamed of being a dancer. Should I follow my dream? - Debbie Runcorn

I always advise people to follow their dreams. Pole dancing is a good starting point, and it's an industry with high staff turnovers so it should be easy to get work. You can always supplement your income by doing pornos. One day you may then get your dream and work with stars like Jonathan Wilkes, in a touring production of Chicago or something.

I run over someone the other day with my car, there's no way I'm doing bird for it - Mick, Tunstall

Firstly, you need to get rid of any evidence from your car; that means blood, DNA evidence, bits of clothing. I would recommend an industrial car wash. If there's dents in your car, they need sorting out too. A cheap, backstreet garage will do, or even a local lowlife on the dole to do it. If you can fabricate an alibi, that will help, and if there are any witnesses, these will need eliminating. If you can achieve most or all of this, you should be ok.