Sunday 30 September 2012

Matches Of The Day

Stoke City 2-0 Swansea
Pottermusses manager Tony Pulis was so happy with the team's display that he bought all the players a pint and some pork scratchings after the game. Peter Crouch scored both goals and vowed to score again later with his wife to make it into a hat-trick, something no-one would begrudge him.

Bradford 0-1 Port Vale
The Scamps stormed to the top of the league after inflicting a famous victory over Bradford that will be talked about for generations. Pope Tom was the hero and, immediatley after the game, increased the "buy it now" price on the DNA samples of himself that he sells on eBay.

Fegg Hayes Athletic 0-0 Kidsgrove Galaxy
Both teams agreed to abandon this game at half-time after it became obvious neither team would score. "We just couldn't be arsed any more," explains Athletic manager Keith Gobbler. "And I had a wedding to get to anyway." The draw keeps both teams joint middle of the table.

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