Stoke City Council has unveiled its latest plan to save money: judges and doctors will be expected to solve any crimes they come across without bothering the police!
"It's clear from TV that anyone can solve crimes," explains city councillor Bent Warlord. "And judges and doctors are in positions where they will meet the victims of crimes or hear rumours about shit that has gone down. I don't think it's unrealistic to expect them to at least have a go before they get the rozzers involved."
Judge Terry Hatepunch is outraged at the news. "As judges, we all like to solve a crime or two in our spare time, to hand out our own brand of special justice to those who slipped through the system. But to expect us to do it full time is a mockery of a sham of an outrage. I find this plan 'guilty' of being rubbish."
The city council is adamant it will not change its policy. "Giving out loads of parking tickets takes up a lot of time," says councillor Warlord. "Therefore, our rozzers don't always have the time to solve murders and shit. These plans work in America and are here to stay in Stoke."
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