Saturday 17 November 2012

Serial Killer News

Word on the street is that the Packmoor Ripper is in talks with ITV 2 about appearing in his own fly-on-the-wall documentary series, provisionally scheduled to appear after any programmes featuring Keith Lemon.

The Stoke Strangler has set his sights on former England fast bowler Gladstone Small. "I see him as the ultimate challenge for any strangler," says the murderer. "If he ever comes to Stoke, I will get him."

The Stallington Slasher had a poor night last Tuesday. Three murder attempts were all unsuccessful, leading only to hospital visits for the intended victims. "He'll be disappointed with that performance," says local pundit Kevin Lather. "He needs to stop trying to be a fancy dan and to get stuck in."

The Ridgeway Rapist has said she wants to qualify for Europe. "I'd love to get into Europe," she says. "It would be a dream come true to test myself against the tougher standards of the international game."

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