Monday, 20 February 2012

Lottery Winner Vows To "Piss It All Away"

After winning over £1.4 million on the National Lottery at the weekend, Bentilee resident Phil Umney has vowed to spend, spend, spend! "Booze, coke, hookers, not necessarily in that order," said Mr Umney of his spending plans.

"I've always dreamed of pissing away a fortune," he said to reporters this morning at Ca$hino, a gaming venue at Festival Park. "I'm gonna blow it all then go back on the dole," he added.

Phil and ex-girlfriend Donna

Phil has already dumped his girlfriend of three years, Donna. "I'm as sick as a parrot," she said. "We had a five year plan, which involved bringing through some of our own youngsters eventually, but that won't happen now."

Phil is unrepentant. "She was a bit dumpy if I'm being honest. I can do way better now I've got cash. It's all about the benjamins."

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