West Brom 0-1 Stoke City
Stoke's win takes them above Arsenal in the league table, though Arsene Wenger is unaware of this as he has not seen it. Celebrity West Brom fan Frank Skinner drowned his sorrows after the game by going on a violent rampage around the West Midlands, though this may not actually be true.
Sheffield United 2-1 Port Vale
The Scamps crash out of the Milk Cup to manager Micky Adams's former team, who he got relegated on purpose so he could come back to Stoke, the home of football. After the match, Adams took the players round his mum's castle in the city for tea and scones.
Fegg Hayes Bastards 12-11 Kidsgrove Barnacles
The Bastards move from bottom to top of the league thanks to a first half quadruple hat-trick from star left half Kenny Loggins. Although the Barnacles scored eleven in the opening ten minutes of the second half, they were never in the game.
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