2012 Review: June

Stoke was hit by a massive tsunami that swept up the River Trent in early June, leading to the deaths of over half of the city's population.

Global warming has been blamed for the incident, though not everyone agrees. "Global warming is the biggest load of shit ever," said EYE ON STOKE columnist, and parking attendant, Dick Mellor. "There's no evidence for it whatsoever. This was an act of God, punishing the deviant community of Stoke for their perverted ways. You know who I'm talking about."

The River Trent bursts it banks

Later in the month, Fred "Convict" Hallpass was released from prison after serving 76 years on death row at HMP Werrington for crimes he didn't commit. Staffordshire Police had beat a confession from him for multiple murders when he was just 7 years old.

"We still believe that 'Convict Fred' is guilty," said police spokesman Barry Shanks. "Getting confessions in this way is a tried-and-trusted method used by police forces all over the world, and for good reason: It works."

Upon release, Fred was re-arrested on suspicion of committing 73 unsolved murders that have taken place since he was originally imprisoned.