Controversy As Crouch Named Stoke's Tallest Man

There was much debate across Stoke today when Stoke City Council named Peter Crouch as the city's tallest man.

Crouch gets his award for being Stoke's tallest man

Opponents to the award have given a bunch of reasons why they don't think he should get the title. "Firstly, he's not a Stokie," says Cobridge Tourist Board's Dave Murray. "Secondly, I doubt he even lives in the city. Thirdly, they haven't even measured him, they've just gone from what it says on Stoke City's website, which, as we all know, is full of LIES."

"This award has been made to placate Pottermusses [Stoke City fans]," added pikelet magnate Dave Munton, and one of the businessmen on the local TV show 'Dresdens Den', a programme where locals present their business ideas or inventions to try to get investment. "Because of everything happening with 'The Scamps' [Port Vale], the council has done this so they're not accused of being biased."

Pottermus

Not everyone is unhappy with the award. "This is just 'Scamps' fans being arsey," said Stoke City mascot Pottermus. "Crouchy, as I call him, is at least 2 inches taller than everyone else in the city. Fact. Show me someone taller. In fact, don't bother even trying, 'cus there isn't anyone. That is all."