In Focus: Cobridge

Cobridge is located just above Stoke city centre (Hanley).

The name Cobridge comes from 'cob ridge', a ridge in the town where corn-on-the-cob was first grown!

The "Cobridge lights" is a formation of red lights that can be seen in Cobridge at night. No-one knows what causes them to appear.

The potato fritter was invented in Cobridge in 1841.

50% of women from Cobridge have a tattoo on at least one of their ankles.

During WW2, Hitler ordered that Cobridge should not be bombed.

Cobridge has the highest concentration of massage parlours-to-people of anywhere in the British Isles!

The Cobridge Opera Company (COC) is one of the best known in the area, and is about to launch its new show, 'Phil Taylor: The Opera'!

The world's first 5-wheel car was built in Cobridge in 1947.

People from Cobridge must live life to the fullest! That's probably why they have the shortest life expectancy of people from anywhere in Staffordshire.

British Prime Minister David Cameron has yet to visit Cobridge. Coward.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Woman Critical After Being Hit By Falling Badger

A badger hurled from a high window in Longton has seriously hurt a woman, 73, when it hit her on the head.

The pet badger was thrown out of the fourth floor window of a block of flats in south Longton as a married couple had a BLAZING row.

Actual badger not pictured

During their quarrel the husband [Degg Minstrel, 53] picked up the family badger and threw it at his wife [Jessie, 19], who ducked. The badger then flew out of an open window, landing on Ginny Head’s head as she crossed the street below.

The victim, a former fortune teller, is described as being in a critical condition in hospital after suffering a fractured skull.

The badger didn’t survive the fall.

Radio Station Issues Apology After Broadcasting Porn

Stoke radio station Signal Gold was forced to issue an apology today after listeners complained of hearing "filthy porn" live on air instead of hits from the 1970s!

Signal Gold's pre-recorded '70s Sensations' show was interrupted for around five minutes on Wednesday night during 'Gary Glitter Hour'. Listeners took to Twitter to say they had heard "moans", "groans", "German accents" and "slapping sounds" from a porno film being played.

A typical porno set

Dick Mellor tweeted: "WTF just happened on Signal Gold?! Sounded like sex noises... This is turning into an awkward dinner with my parents. Making me horny though."

Signal Gold issued a statement today, saying: “Unfortunately, one of our engineers may or may not have turned the TV onto a porno channel, which may or may not have interrupted the programmed broadcast. We are sorry to any fans of the 70s and/or Gary Glitter. This probably won't happen again."

Stoke Paranormal Society

For all the latest paranormal news, head on over to the Stoke Paranormal Society's site:

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com

Well, what are you waiting for?

That is all.

Gran Fined For Littering After Dropping Dead In Street

A Stoke grandmother has been fined for littering – after dropping dead from a MASSIVE heart attack!

Jean Genet, 63, was dying on the pavement on Cornelius Road in Fenton when a council environment officer marched up to her and gave her a £75 fixed penalty fine.

A bog standard Stoke granny

Jean's daughter Kylie said: “It’s ridiculous. He could have called an ambulance but instead he just stood there writing out a ticket. It's political correctness gone mad. Or health and safety gone mad. I'm not sure which one."

Stoke City Council yesterday refused to withdraw the fine. Council spokesman Mick Ronson said: "An environmental offence was committed and we can't go around letting people off just because they're dead. The point of a democracy is that everyone is equal, whether alive or dead. Case closed."

Costa Rican Arrested For Having Fake Jonathan Wilkes ID

Police in Costa Rica said over the weekend that they have arrested a man for forgery when he tried to open a bank account using an identification document with a photo of local star Jonathan Wilkes on it!

Jonathan Wilkes, yesterday

Jose Luis Carrera, 51, was arrested in the city of   San Jose and charged with using false documents and forgery, police said. He also was carrying identification documents belonging to other Stokies Robbie Williams and Nicholas Read.

"The document with the photo of Mr Wilkes and other false identification were used to start a pyramid scheme and to try to open a bank account," said Costa Rican police spokesman Barrio Shankerra. "But we've got the bastard now."

Police do not know how he came to know so much about celebrities from Stoke.

The Stoke Gossip Column

The Gossip Column is brought to you by Munton's Pikelets: "They get the job done."

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Which Stoke MP makes her staff dress as babies and refer to her only as "Momma Joan"?

Which BNP councillor was recently spotted buying an "Asian Babes" magazine on Hope Street in Hanley?

Kendo Nagasaki

Could wrestler Kendo Nagasaki be making a comeback? He [Peter Thornley] was recently seen buying a "onesie" in Primark in Hanley.

Word has it that a certain fast food chain in Hanley lets its staff jizz into its burgers in lieu of pay rises.

Which Stoke-born actor likes to pay hobos to fight for money? He films the action then posts the footage on the internet under a false name.

Controversy As Crouch Named Stoke's Best Dancer

Arguments raged on the streets of Stoke today when Stoke City Council named Peter Crouch as the city's best dancer!

"Crouchy" pulls some shapes

"This award is fully deserved," said councillor Pete Jericho. "His robot dance is as famous as anything MJ [Michael Jackson] ever did, and people say he was the best."

"This is ridiculous," said traffic warden Dick Mellor. "He's done nothing for years. He's still living off that robot dance he did 6 years ago!"

"He's a chancer," says Dave Murray of the Cobridge Tourist Board. "I've got loads more moves than he has. He's got this because he's famous and has got a fit wife."

"He's always refreshing his repertoire," said a Stoke City insider. "People know 'the robot' but I've seen him doing 'the worm', 'the bunny hop' and he's currently working on his 'stirring the pot'."

"He's got good feet for a big man," says local Tory peer Lord Hankey. "But his dance is mostly modern. I specialise in classical ballet and jazz-tap. I reckon I could take him."

In Focus: Trentham

Trentham is located in the south-west of Stoke.

The name Trentham comes from the French saying 'tres temme', which means 'very effeminate' or 'very camp'.

Trentham is home to Trentham Park, Trentham Gardens (which are basically two halves of the same thing) and best of all, Trentham Monkey Forest!

Trentham was one of the “Rotten Boroughs” eliminated as parliamentary constituencies by the Reform Act of 1832.

Horror movie 'The Evil Dead' was filmed on location in Trentham.

Trentham has two different golf courses. They're just taking the piss, no town needs that many.

People from Trentham think they’re so much better than everyone else, but they're not. They're dirty dogs like the rest of us.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Pensioners Anger At Crouch Over Budget's Tax Changes

Pensioners across Stoke were outraged at Peter Crouch today over chancellor George [real name: Gideon] Osborne's latest budget which sees a tax cut from 50% to 45% for the highest earners but a freeze on age-related allowances for pensioners.

"No comment"

"Crouchy is quite literally taking my money to make himself richer," says Cobridge pensioner Ken Riddle. "It's a disgrace. I hope he thinks about me the next time he has sex with his wife and is disgusted with himself."

Ken Riddle

Fellow pensioner Doris Ahmed is also angry at Crouch. "I didn't fight in two World Wars so lanky streaks of piss like Crouchy can fill their pockets while my benefits are, in effect, cut. I hope he thinks about me the next time he has sex with his wife and is pleased with himself."

Crouch has yet to comment on chancellor Osborne's budget.

Getaway Car Smashes Into Massage Parlour After Burglary

Three suspected burglars were arrested last night after a getaway car smashed into a massage parlour in Cobridge following a raid on a kebeb shop. The Vauxhall Nova crashed into Sunshine Massage on Battlestar Road in the early hours of yesterday.

Police believe the suspects were fleeing a burglary at Turkish Ken's Kebab Emporium on Regeneration Road, which happened half an hour earlier at around 1.50am.

Two 12-year-olds from Bentilee and a 15-year-old from Werrington were later arrested on suspicion of burglary.

Sally "Big Sal" Jones , 50, who runs Sunshine Massage, said the car first hit a mobility scooter before smashing through the downstairs entrance. Sally said: "Thankfully there were some police officers here when it happened, so they were able to arrest the boys quickly. They've taken the front door out completely. Customers will have to use the back entrance for a while. Not sexually."

Police spokesman Barry Shanks said: "People appear to be alarmed when they see the sight of helicopters, police dogs and officers. I'd like to reassure the public following all the police presence in and around Sunshine Massage that we were there to catch any crims who may or may not have been in the area at that time. We shall keep a police presence there for the foreseeable future just to make sure."

Controversy As Crouch Named Stoke's Tallest Man

There was much debate across Stoke today when Stoke City Council named Peter Crouch as the city's tallest man.

Crouch gets his award for being Stoke's tallest man

Opponents to the award have given a bunch of reasons why they don't think he should get the title. "Firstly, he's not a Stokie," says Cobridge Tourist Board's Dave Murray. "Secondly, I doubt he even lives in the city. Thirdly, they haven't even measured him, they've just gone from what it says on Stoke City's website, which, as we all know, is full of LIES."

"This award has been made to placate Pottermusses [Stoke City fans]," added pikelet magnate Dave Munton, and one of the businessmen on the local TV show 'Dresdens Den', a programme where locals present their business ideas or inventions to try to get investment. "Because of everything happening with 'The Scamps' [Port Vale], the council has done this so they're not accused of being biased."

Pottermus

Not everyone is unhappy with the award. "This is just 'Scamps' fans being arsey," said Stoke City mascot Pottermus. "Crouchy, as I call him, is at least 2 inches taller than everyone else in the city. Fact. Show me someone taller. In fact, don't bother even trying, 'cus there isn't anyone. That is all."

In Profile: Pottermus

Pottermus is one of the biggest characters in Stoke. Better known today as Stoke City's mascot, he has had a long and interesting life. Join me now as I take a look back at the life of this local legend. JOIN ME!

Born in Tunstall in 1967 as Pottermus Percival Burgess to parents Ted and Sharon, Pottermus had a tough upbringing on Tunstall's mean streets. "It was kill or be killed," Pottermus says about those early days.

Joining a gang aged 8, Pottermus was soon involved in a life of crime and drugs, to the detriment of his school work and family life. "The gangs had kids dealing drugs 'cus the Police never suspected they were involved," says Pottermus. "It was good shit back then too. None of this crap nowadays that's cut up with god-knows-what. You bought 'charlie' from me and it was proper 'charlie' you got."

It wasn't long before Pottermus was using himself. "I started off on weed, then mushrooms, LSD. Not long after I was doing coke then I moved onto the real bad stuff."

When parents Ted and Sharon found out what was going on, they used their life savings to send Pottermus to rehab. "I was in a pretty bad state," Pottermus says. "It was in rehab I first started dabbling with religion too. That really helped me get clean."

Having got clean, Pottermus needed direction in his life. Fortunately, an old friend offered him help. "Me mate Dave back from the gang days had just bought 'The Place' in Hanley and he needed someone to manage it. I didn't know if I could do it but I relished the challenge!" It was also through this job that he first met future wife Pottermiss.

Pottermiss and Pottermus

"Life was great for a while," says Pottermus. "I had a good job, I was dating Pottermiss and had plenty of money." But it wasn't long before the temptations of drugs came knocking at his door. "Working in the high class nightclub business as I was at 'The Place', drugs were everywhere. The temptation got too much and I was soon getting high again."

It was during this period that Pottermus really hit rock bottom. He was arrested for domestic abuse after beating Pottermiss, just weeks after they were married. "I'd been on a 2 day coke binge," remebers Pottermus. "She started nagging at me so I gave her a good thrashing."

Because of this Pottermus's marriage broke down and he lost his job at 'The Place' and struggled for money to feed his habit. "You don't get enough on the dole to buy the crack I was doing," he says. "I had no choice but to go on the rob."

Pottermus was soon arrested for breaking and entering - at Pottermiss's house! "That was the real low point," he says. "Being busted for robbing your ex-wife ain't good in anyone's book."

It was in prison that Pottermus first got involved in Scientology. "That lot really helped me, and I've been clean ever since. It's not a mental cult. Anyone who says it is is the mental one."

After getting clean, Pottermus was offered a chance of redemption. "Stoke City approached me about becoming their mascot," he says. "The last mascot, 'Pete Herb', had gone down for fiddling some kiddies. I didn't know whether to do it or not as I'm a Vale fan, but the money was too good to turn down."

Eventually, Pottermus grew into the role, something he still does to this day. A bigger surprise was still to come though: Pottermiss was later employed by Stoke City to join him as mascot! "It was awkward as first having to work with my ex-wife, whom I'd beaten and robbed, but the chemistry was still there and we work together well!"

And what about the future? "Who knows," laughs Pottermus. "I'm happy where I am right now. And I'm also available for parties and bar mitzvahs!"

Ken Barlow: I Went With 1,000 Stoke Women

The front page story of today's Daily Oatcake is the revelation that actor Ken Barlow from 'Coronation Street' has had sex with over 1,000 women from Stoke!

In a frank interview, Barlow, who appeared in the first episode of the show in 1960, said: "I didn’t have any control over my sex drive." He also says he was nicknamed "Poontang Barlow" by some of his castmates because of his insatiable appetite.

Insert "dogs" joke here

He said that the women he has "had a go on"  include Stoke celebrity medium Crystal O'Future, with whom he had a one-night stand.  "It was just a one-off," Barlow said. "She invited me round to her flat in Norton and we had a few drinks, then one thing led to another. At that time, she had a reputation, and she felt we should meet, as it were. It just happened."

Unbelievably, Barlow said his womanising left him feeling empty and depressed. "I regret it deeply," he said.

Rudebox Surprise For Uzbekistan

Standing in solemn silence at a state remembrance service in Tashkent for national hero Ulugh Beg, officials in Uzbekistan wait hands on hearts to sing the national anthem, 'O‘zbekiston Respublikasining Davlat Madhiyasi'.

However, the dignitaries were instead greeted with the classic Robbie Williams hit 'Rudebox'.

As they look around in confusion, the track plays for 2 minutes before being replaced by the national anthem, much to the bewilderment of the officials present.

It is not clear whether the mix up was a mistake or deliberate act of protest against president Islam Karimov's authoritarian regime. Robbie Williams has yet to comment on the incident or the human rights record of the current regime.

In Focus: Etruria

Etruria is located in the centre of Stoke, west of Hanley.

No-one knows where the name Etruria come from, or has ever tried to find out.

During the Middle Ages, deposits of slag, sequins and non-precious gems were discovered in Etruria.

The 1986 National Back Yard Festival was held in the area now known as Festival Park (or “Fezzie Park” as locals call it). Previously wasteland and closed down mines, the area was regenerated because of the festival and now has a Toys 'R' Us, McDonald's and a Quasar.

The Stoke area's first "skyscraper", a three-story opium den, was built in Etruria in 1806.

Joan Baez recorded her debut album at a folk club in Etruria in 1959.

In Etruria, it is against the law to be drunk and in possession of a badger.

Etruria is home to 22% of all restaurants in Stoke, including menus from 50 different countries. Future North Vietnamese revolutionary leader Ho Chi Minh worked as a chef in a Vietnamese restaurant in Etruria in 1919 where he developed his interest in communism.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Stoke Woman Punches Bear

A 22-year-old Stoke woman said she has punched a black bear in the face to save her kebab from being carried off and possibly eaten.

Hanley resident Karen "Kaz" Cattles said she hit the bear on Wednesday night to save the kebab she had left on a bench while she lit up a cigarette. She said she discovered the bear crouched down, clutching the kebab in its paws and licking it. "I was freaking out. I was screaming at it. I ran up to it and punched it right in the snout and it let go and ran off."

Kaz Cattles

Cattles, a jobseeker who has never left Hanley in her life, said she is accustomed to bears and knows how to beat them. She says she also knew about this particular bear before Sunday's attack because she had seen it in a recent circus in town.

The kebab was not damaged in the attack but Kaz said she will take precautions with any kebabs she buys in future.

Black bears frequently roam the edges of Central Forest Park in Hanley. Bear encounters are on the rise this year, despite efforts by local residents to hunt them with guns.

Badger Found Wandering The Streets Of Longton

A large badger has been rescued after members of the public spotted it roaming the streets of Longton. Police are now appealing for the owners of the animal, which answers to the name of "Chubb", to come forward. An expert from a badger sanctuary in Trentham has given the animal a clean bill of health.

A badger

Attempts to trace its owner by showing a map to the badger have been unsuccessful.

The badger, described as tame and lazy, was found eating some Monster Munch on Manhattan Road. Police spokesman Barry Shanks said: "It is not every day that you come across lost badgers in Stoke. We have fingerprinted the beast and taken a DNA sample but we are no further along in the investigation. I can assure you the badger is not wanted in association with any crimes."

Lewis And Turner Voted Stoke's Sexiest 2012

Adrian Lewis and Anthea Turner have been voted 2012's sexiest people from Stoke in a YouGov poll conducted for Stoke City Council.

"Back of the net!"

Lewis, who recently won his second PDC World Darts title, has been voted sexiest man for the first time, beating off Jonathan Wilkes to the prize.

"Back of the net!"

Anthea Turner  has been voted sexiest woman for the 19th year running. Jonathan Wilkes came second when people mistook him for a woman after seeing pictures of him in The Rocky Horror Show.

David Murray? Where?

Stoke breathed a sigh of relief today when missing film critic David Murray was found. More news here:

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com/2012/03/missing-film-critic-found-in-fegg-hayes.html

In Profile: Nicholas Read

Nicholas Read is one of the most beloved actors from Stoke! Despite being only 4' 5" in height, he is a big talent in the world of entertainment!

Nicholas burst onto the acting world when he appeared in the 1983 blockbuster 'Return of the Jedi' playing an Ewok. He followed that up by appearing alongside David Bowie in the smash hit film 'Labyrinth' in 1986.

Next up was the classic film 'Tommy Tricker and the Stamp Traveller', a film I personally own on VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray and digital download.

In 2001 Nicholas showed his acting chops in 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone', a bleak melodrama about a secret that threatens to destroy a working class family, directed by Mike Leigh.

Nicholas may or may not have appeared in Peter Kay's video of 'Amarillo', for Comic Relief 2005. Not sure about that one.

Nicholas Read

In 2004, Nicholas was convicted for indecent assault when he climbed into bed drunk with a stage manager and assulted the man's girlfriend.

In 2011, Nicholas was on a train, travelling home to Cheadle from London after judging a croquet competition. Having consumed half a bottle of gin, he found himself sharing a cabin with a 17-year-old girl.

"He placed his hat on his crotch," said the girl in court during last June's trial. "I saw a movement and I was a bit shocked. I didn't know whether to believe it. I looked in the reflection of the window and saw his hand moving under the hat, vigorously up and down. His hat tilted towards me, lifted, so I could see, but blocking the aisle. He tried to catch my attention tilting his hat up, looking at his crotch area and then looking at me a few times." This behaviour allegedly continued for between 30 to 40 minutes.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2020328/Harry-Potter-Star-Wars-actor-Nicholas-Read-spared-jail-indecent-exposure.html

Fortunately, Nicholas was convicted but spared jail and is now available for work! Book him now!

Stoke Film Club

Stoke's number one film critic, David Murray, is still missing, presumed dead. In his place, namesake Dave Murray, of the Cobridge Tourist Board, is here to cover the latest film releases in Stoke.

This Means War

An action-packed rom-com? This is sure to appeal to both men and women alike, as women love action, and men love romance. The charming leads really make you empathise with the situation in which their characters find themselves. A top notch script and really well made. Awards surely await.

Rating: 4/5

Jack and Jill

Is there anything funnier than Adam Sandler? Yes - two Adam Sandlers! In this hilarious comedic romp he plays twin brother and sister pair Jack and Jill, and gets help from Al Pacino, who's never been better than he is here. As funny as f*ck. Maybe even better than 'Click'.

Rating: 5/5

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

This is a real borefest, starring Gary Oldman, a poor man's Danny Dyer. Winner of several awards, I don't know how, this seems to last forever. At over 2 hours long, similar in length to a Transformers movie, the lack of action and reliance on characters really disappoints. They should have learned the lessons from Transformers in how to fill up 2 hours of film. Poor.
Rating: 1/5

Just Say No! (Or: Crack Is Wack!)

Police in Hanley say a driver who was stopped for having the words "drug dealer" sprayed on his car ended the night with drug charges after they saw crack fall from his pants and watched him eat it in front of them.

According to Staffordshire Police, officers stopped the vehicle of 21-year-old Cornelius Burgess on Friday night on Marsh Street (South). Office's say that when Burgess stepped out of the car, they noticed he walked stiffly and without trousers. Thats when police say a small bag of crack cocaine fell out of his pants.

Cornelius Burgess

Police spokesman Barry Shanks says Burgess "bent down, grabbed it and ate the crack like a hungry bastard".

Officers say they were unable to get the crack out of Burgess's mouth before he swallowed it. He was searched and officers say they found another bag in his pants containing 3 rocks of crack. The drugs will now be put into police storage until Hanley police station's Christmas party.

Strip Club To Open Next To Missionary

The nuns of the Missionary Sisters of Saint Terry the Destroyer are angry at Stoke's Council of Elders for approving a new strip club. The club, to be in Burslem, will be called "Bang It" and will be built in the church that used to be next to the nuns' convent.

This 60-year-old convent houses 7 sisters and includes complexes for elderly and sick nuns, and single mums who are considering joining the sisterhood. The nuns believe the club will send the wrong message to kids and question whether the City Council followed the approval process properly. They claim they were never properly notified about the club. Stoke City Council's spokesman Dave Holdcroft says they sent the notifications to the nuns in a black and white envelope as a sign of respect. The nuns threw it away thinking it was a delivery from the devil.

Stoke nuns

The nuns say they won't sue or picket, they'll just pray. "The only thing we can do I think is pray for the sinners," said Sister Kylie Gonk. "Either that, or send a parcel bomb."

The club is expected to open in the summer. Owner Dave Munton doesn't know what all the fuss is about. "I'm one of the few people taking on new employees in Stoke. It's either come work for me or go to Caudwell. I know which I'd choose. The hours and money are much better with me."

In Focus: Dresden

Dresden is located in the south of Stoke, just below Longton.

Dresden comes from the Chinese ‘dres tun’, meaning 'cock slap'.

Dresden in Stoke should not be confused with Dresden in Germany! They are completely different places!

Dresden is home to Dresden University of Technology, Dresden University of Fine Science, Dresden Academy of Fine Arts, Dresden International University as well as many other research institutes.

It is one of the greenest urban areas in Europe, with 63% of Dresden being green areas and forests. There are also four nature reserves and special conservation areas.

Dresden has played host to several international political summits, including the Petersburg Dialogue, a meeting held annually between Russian and German leaders.

Historically, Dresden had been a cultural centre, filled with museums, historic buildings and art galleries and was a leading centre of classical music.

Dresden’s golden period was between 1697 and 1763, when two of its residents also served as kings of Poland. The last monarch of Dresden abdicated in 1918.

Dresden was home to French emperor Napoleon during the Napoleonic Wars.

Dresden was devastated by an Allied bombing raid during WW2 that destroyed much of the town. Many people consider the bombing as a war crime due to the unnecessary death and destruction caused. Between 35,000 and 145,000 people were killed by the Allied bombing. A post-WW2 USAF report on the bombing justified Dresden as a legitimate military and industrial target. The bombing is celebrated each year on 13 February.

Russian president Vladimir Putin was stationed in Dresden by the KGB between 1985 and 1990.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Council Spunks Money On Play Space For Staff

Cash-strapped council bosses have spent almost £2,500,000 on bulldozing a former job centre and transforming it into a staff "play space". Accounts revealed under a Freedom of Information request show Stoke City Council spent £1,020,300 buying the empty building in Fleming Road, Stoke.

The council then spent a further £36,532 to demolish the building and clear the site and the rest of the budget spent on furnishing the building to create a "21st century play space" for workers based at Adrian Heath House.

But the council, which is going through the most widespread programme of cuts and efficiency savings the city has ever known, has defended its decision. It says the building needed to be bulldozed and a staff space to encourage playtime and creativity was the best use for the site.

Councillor Ruth Cloggs, Liberal Democrat cabinet member for Creative Thinking, said: "The Stoke Town Masterplan was prepared for the regeneration of the town. The project cost only  £2,410,000, covering procurement of the building, legal fees paid to Adrian Heath for using his name without permission, and furnishing costs. Finance for this work came from the council's arts and culture programme which, let's face it, was only going to be wasted on theatre, art and shit like that."

Off Licences Warned Over Underage Sales

Two Booze Heaven off-licences have been caught selling too much alcohol to underage customers as part of a police operation. The stores in Middleport and Trent Vale were subject to licence reviews yesterday after a police sting to catch retailers red-handed.

At the store in Condom Road, Trent Vale, neighbourhood police carried out a test purchase in November and a 17-year-old girl bought 12 bottles of wine. The shop also sold a 16-year-old 36 bottles of WKD.

Middleport Young Conservatives

PC Barry Shanks, of Staffordshire Police, said: "This is way too much booze to sell to someone underage. One or two bottles of wine is fine, as is 5 or 6 bottles of WKD, but this was too much."

Paul Sheepdog, a spokesman for Booze Heaven, said: "This sale was a genuine mistake not an example of flouting the law. The book should not be thrown at retailers, they should be given a medal."

Chairman of the licensing sub-committee, Jim Glimp said: "We have permanently modified the conditions on the licences to include those agreed. Any further appearance before this committee could lead to an angry letter."

Stoke City Council Should Be Abolished Says Jack Straw

The directly elected Stoke City Council should be abolished after failing to achieve its purpose of bridging the divide between Stokies and the Council of Elders, the former foreign secretary Jack Straw has said.

Straw said: "I am now clear that there is a major democratic deficit within Stoke. And it is absolutely certain, in my judgment, that the mechanism that was established in 1974 to fill this gap of the democratic deficit, which was a directly elected City Council, has not worked and, in my judgment, cannot work in that form."

"Who da man? I da man."

Straw continued: "The paradox is that as the City Council has been given more powers it has become less, not more, legitimate and that is shown by the drop in the average [election] turnout across Stoke."

He said the elected City Council should be replaced by re-instating full powers to the Council of Elders.

Straw's argument was buttressed by a poll conducted YouGov, showing that significant numbers of Stokies believe the city would be better run by the Council of Elders without the City Council's involvement.

In Focus: The "Seven Towns"

Thanks to the staff at the Stoke Paranormal Sociey, here is the story of the "seven towns" that joined together to form Stoke-on-Trent in 1910.

Burslem

*Burslem is located in the north west of the city.

*The name comes from the German verb 'boslen', which means 'to sweat'.

*Burslem was originally called Boslem, and still is by some locals.

*Burslem is the largest town in Stoke, but not the best.

*Burslem is the home town of 15 time darts world champion "Fingers" Phil Taylor.

*Burslem is a paragon of multiculturalism, with a considerable Asian population living side-by-side with BNP supporters.

*Burslem's School of Art is renowned throughout Britain.

*Vauxhall Conference association football team Port Vale are based in Burslem. Founded in 1876 as "Boslem Scamps FC", the team changed its name in 1974 during Stoke's bid for independence from the UK. They are still nicknamed "The Scamps" to this day.

*Burslem is home to Lake Burslem, world famous for its resident monster called "Bursie".

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Fegg Hayes

*Fegg Hayes is located in the north of Stoke, next to the Knypersley mountain range.
*The name Fegg Hayes comes from the greek 'Fides Hades', meaning 'Faith in Hades'. Hades is the Greek god of the underworld.
*Fegg Hayes is the home of the world famous Fegg Hayes Yeti.

*Fegg Hayes looks different from much of Stoke because of its unique history. From 1386 to 1797, Fegg Hayes was ruled by Viennese nobility. As such, much of Fegg Hayes reflects the era when it was part of the Republic of Vienna, its streets full of romanesque and baroque architecture.

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Fenton

*Fenton is located just south of the city centre (Hanley and Stoke-upon-Trent).

*Fenton, from the Chinese 'feng tun', means 'bitch slap'.

*Fenton has been called "the place Longton wishes it was".

*During WWI, Fenton declared itself a tax haven hoping to attract rich war-evaders.

*Fenton is named after former footballer Graham Fenton who once had a successful loan spell with Stoke City FC.

*Fenton is home to Fenton Magistrates Court. Local judges are notoriously strict, often handing out sentences such as "hard labour", chain gangs and 100+ year prison terms.

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Hanley

*Hanley is located bang in the middle of Stoke and is perhaps better known as Stoke's city centre.
*Hanley comes from the latin 'han lay', which means 'hen party'.

*Coal mining was important in Hanley until Margaret Thatcher closed down all the mines in the 1980s, calling them an "eyesore" on the beautiful Stoke landscape.

*Hanley is home to Stoke's biggest building, the Potteries Shopping Centre. It contains many of this Britain's biggest high street names including Sock Shop and Tie Rack!

*Hanley is also home to one of Stoke's biggest cathedrals, Hanley Cathedral, which is built on the site of an ancient stargate. It is currently being refurbished after being partly destroyed by a fire caused by a faulty lava lamp.

*Hanley has different districts, known as quarters. There is the commercial quarter, the cultural quarter, the French quarter, the red light quarter and the thieves' quarter.
*Central Forest Park (aka: Needle Park) is located in Hanley. That's where you're most likely to find Bigfoot in Stoke! Or a drug dealer.

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Longton

*Longton is located in the south of Stoke.

*The name Longton comes from the Chinese 'long tun', meaning 'arse slap'.

*Longton is affectionately referred to as the "arse end of Stoke".

*Longton is home to a wide range of shops such as Tesco Extra, Sainsbury’s and Lidl.
*Portugal is Longton's oldest ally. The Longton-Portugal Treaty signed in 1373 is still in force.
*Vicious gang warfare between gangs from south Longton (southside) and north Longton(westside) have raged on the mean streets of Longton for years.

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Stoke-upon-Trent

*Stoke-upon-Trent is located in the centre of Stoke-on-Trent! Confused? You will be!
*Stoke derives from the Latin word 'stoc', meaning 'barn fight'.
*Many locals want the town renamed to avoid confusion between Stoke-upon-Trent and Stoke-on-Trent. "Old Stoke", "Ye Olde Stoc" and "Barn Fight-upon-Trent" are popular choices for new names amongst residents.
*Stoke-upon-Trent is home to the Council of Elders, Stoke City Council and Staffordshire University.
*Stoke-upon-Trent was officially at war with Russia for 110 years. At the outbreak of the Crimean War, Britain declared war on Russia in the name of Britain, Ireland, Stoke-upon-Trent and all British Dominions. But when the war ended in 1856, the Paris Peace Treaty omitted Stoke. So Stoke was technically at war with Russia until 1966 when a Soviet official, made aware of the situation, visited the town to declare peace!

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

Tunstall

*Tunstall is located in Stoke's north-west, above Burslem.
*Tunstall comes from the Chinese 'tun sall', meaning 'slap my thigh'.
*Tunstall is home to Stoke's Chinatown area. The first Chinese settlers arrived here in 1065.

*Historians have discovered that locals were using iron ore found in the area to manufacture weapons from as early as the 13^th century.
*Britain's first holiday camp was Tunstall's Fascist Family Camp which opened in 1905. Alcohol was strictly banned (though opiates were allowed) and any holiday maker caught talking after 10pm was spanked.

*Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.