Stoke To London: "We Don't Want Your Cockney Rejects"

Anger errupted like a volcano across Stoke today with news that the city of London is trying to house its unwanted citizens in Stoke!

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/plans-to-house-londons-poor-in-stoke-attacked-as-social-cleansing-7676065.html

"This is ridiculous," said proud Stokie Doris Ahmed, 99. "It's another example of the attempted cockneyfication of Britain. We don't want any filthy cockneys up here, they can stick to their own end."

The Cobridge Tourist Board's Dave Murray agrees. "What part of the north-south divide don't soft southerners understand? We don't like you. Stay down there. We're happy in the 'grim north'. Send them to France. They're soft, racist, stuck in the past, and think that  they're the best at everything, just like cockneys. They'd fit right in there."

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson

Local celebrity medium Crystal O'Future has taken a more cautious approach to the news. "If BoJo [Boris Johnson] and DadCam [David Cameron] want us to take their trash, what's in it for us? Ever since Thatcher, the Tories have systematically destroyed Stoke's business centres with their economic policies towards mining and the manufacturing industry. Now they want us to help them out? Johnson and Cameron can go *uck themselves right up their own *ucking b*ll*cks, the *other*uckers!"