Monday 25 November 2013

Stoke’s Oldest Man Called Stoke Dies

Tributes have been pouring in from all over Stoke for the city's oldest man called Stoke - Ted Stoke - who finally succumbed to old age at 43.

"Men like Ted are forged in the grit mines of Brindley Ford, not simply born," said friend and former enemy Jib Muller.

"Men like Ted are forged in the lava mines of Fegg Hayes, not simply born," said enemy and former spit-roasting partner Percy Pigeons.


"Ted never worked a day in his life," said his third from last wife, Sharon Bender. "Nor did he ever give me a penny in child support. But he was a great man."

"This is a sad day for the city," says city council spokesman Gary Coolio. "Ted has proven himself to be one of the best Stokies around and he will be missed."

Stoke will close down tomorrow and observe a day of mourning. All workers in the city are advised to stay at home.

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