Friday 8 November 2013

Nightmare As Crouch Leaves Stoke

Millions of local hearts were broken yesterday when it was announced that Peter Crouch had been sold by Stoke City.

Local Bob Harder made the announcement on Twitter last night, leading to an outpouring of grief and a torrent of abuse for the handyman. Trending hashtags on social media included #PleaseStayCrouchy, #WeLoveYouCrouchy and #BobHarderIsATwat.


Fortunately for football fans, Crouch had only been sold on computer game FIFA 14 by Harder and not in real life.

"Crouch will leave Stoke over my dead body," says fan Doris Ahmed. "I would rather kill him than lose him, even in a video game. I have written to EA Sports to demand that Crouchy cannot be sold under any circumstances in the game. I may or may not have threatened to send parcel bombs in the future if my demand is not met."

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