Jim Boglin from Fegg Hayes has shocked the city by declaring that virtual life in Nintendo 3DS game Animal Crossing: New Leaf is better than that in the real Stoke.
"I called my Animal Crossing town 'Stoke', it's beautiful," says Mr Boglin, 53. "I wanted to replicate a small portion of the city in the game. However, a wonderful thing happened: all of my animal residents got along with one another wonderfully and with me. I haven't had any punch ups or drunken rampages in the weeks since the games release. It's nothing like Stoke, it's superior in my opinion."
"No-one can seriously tell me that living as ruler in a leafy idyll with cutesy anthropomorphic animals is better than living in Stoke," says argumentative Phil Beaker. "I would add that I'm here just to provide a quote that counters the opinion of the main subject of the piece to make it seem like this publication offers a balanced view of the news. Which it does, obvs."
"Whitney the fox is my favourite resident," adds Jim. "She's fashionable, smart, sassy and ice cool. Real classy."
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