Stoke v Sunderland
Peter Crouch had been warming up for this game by perfecting his comedy Geordie accent, which he hoped to use to tease the Sunderland players during tomorrow’s game. However, Michael Owen pointed out that people from Newcastle (not Sunderland) are Geordies and that his plan was mental. Undeterred, Crouchy will instead use his "cockney geezer" voice to frighten the glum nor’easterners out of his way leaving him room to like score goals and stuff.
Northampton v Port Vale
The Scamps go to Northampton for a Midlands derby that will probably be the biggest game in England this weekend, barring a scorching Chelsea v Man Utd match on Sunday in the Carling Premiership. Scamps star striker Pope Tom has literally been wrapped in cotton wool all week to avoid injury, while club physio Terry Dumpty reckons he can now "fully deep heat a leg in 10 seconds" following extra training sessions this month. Boss Micky Adams is hoping to get some shoes repaired while he's in Northampton. "Leave 'em up at shop before game, they'll be right as rain by time game's over. Magic, just magic," said Adams at this morning’s press conference.
Fegg Hayes Sharks v Kidsgrove Klux Klan
Sharks manager Keith Gobbler may recall star left half Kid Blood to the team as he attempts to flood the midfield in a 1-8-1 formation. The Klansmen have been hit by an outbreak of rickets at their training ground and may have to field a weakened team, though star left half Kid Steamer has just been released from prison after serving a 40 year sentence for a triple homicide and will again be available for selection.
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