EYE ON STOKE Denied Olympic Accreditation

Britain's best news organisation, EYE ON STOKE (i.e. the site you're on now), has been refused media accreditation for the Olympic stadium, meaning that it won’t be able to cover the most high profile track and field events in person.

EYE ON STOKE's editor and managing director, Monty Deschanel, called the decision "a slap in the bollocks by the British Olympic Association". He continued: "We are truly disappointed that EYE ON STOKE, which has covered the glorious sporting achievements of Peter Crouch for many years, will not be inside the Olympic stadium to record more expected glory. They may as well have shit into my open mouth."

Doris Ahmed

EYE ON STOKE's readers have already reacted with outrage. Activist Doris Ahmed has set up a petetion calling on the BOA to reconsider its decision, which has so far attracted an estimated 75,000,000 signatures. Local councillor Jinky Watkins has also called for the decision to be reversed.

There’s no indication at this stage that there’s been a deliberate attempt to exclude the EYE ON STOKE explicitly because of the nature of its readership. Mr Deschanel says: "Something is very wrong if the media accreditation process is so unbalanced as to refuse access to a world-revered journalist from a well-known and respected website that caters to a readership that many other outlets don’t reach. They may as well have pissed into my open mouth."

Three Eye on Stoke journalists have received accreditation for the Olympic football competition, but that isn't enough for Eye on Stoke contributor Dave Murray. "No-one's bothered about the footy, we want tickets for the 100m dash. They may as well as farted into my open mouth," he says.