Tuesday 22 May 2012

Sanctions Against North Longton Being Breached, Says UN

Ten thousand packets of cigarettes, 1200 bottles of Lambrini and a handful of second-hand Vauxhall Nova cars are among the latest reported breaches of a UN ban on luxury goods sales to North Longton, according to a confidential draft UN report that Eye on Stoke has obtained. Don't ask us how.

Fenton councillors told a UN panel of experts that North Longton had also imported thousands of "Paul's Boutique" hoodies and thousands of pounds worth of spray tan.

"Paul's Boutique" clothes,
not at all chavvy

Two rounds of UN sanctions imposed on North Longton for recent firework tests it carried out ban the sale of luxury items to locals. It was also hit with a arms embargo and is forbidden from trading in mobile phones.

The UN panel also said it was investigating possible North Longton firework-related sales to Crewe and Stone.
The panel of experts wrote that North Longton residents and visitors said luxury cars such as Vauxhall Novas were seen in the city and that luxury goods, including fake Timex watches,  were openly available.

The report is printed on embossed paper, and watermarked with a picture of Angelina Jolie.

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