Peter Crouch: An Apology

Last week, Eye on Stoke reported that Peter Crouch once killed a man with a snooker-ball-in-a-sock before using the dead mans blood in a Voodoo ceremony, after which there was a naked "roasting" orgy involving soccer stars Rory Delap and Wayne Biggins, as well as a bevvy of local beauties including Anthea Turner and Crystal O’Future.

We also reported that Mr Crouch "puts a tube containing bees on his knob" with the intention being that "the bee-stings will make his knob bigger".

We now accept that these stories were untrue and apologise to Mr Crouch.