In Focus: Goldenhill

Goldenhill is located in northern Stoke, between Tunstall and Kidsgrove.

Goldenhill took its name from the big hill in the centre of town, which people used to stand on top of and have a piss. It was seen as a sign of good luck if you could rotate yourself around 360 degrees whilst doing one long unbroken circle of piss around you.

People from Goldenhill are known as "hill folk".

Goldenhill's official motto is "Canis est Agricola", which means "the dog is a farmer".

The average person in Goldenhill eats four crispy pancakes per week.

Pimping is legal in Goldenhill as long as you are pimping people you are related to.

Spaceships are outlawed in Goldenhill and aliens are to be killed on sight.

It is traditional in Goldenhill to smear gravy on your face before eating your Sunday lunch.

The phrase "Chinny reckon" was invented by Goldenhill native Barry Gobblesworth.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

People Who Say "Fake News" A Lot Are Thick, Says Study

A new study by nerds at Staffordshire University has found that people who use the term "fake news" are less intelligent than people who don't.

"Listen, this is not a dig at Donald Trump," Professor Jack Scrumps said. "I'm a big fan of the man, big fan. I once did a piss into the letterbox of one of his hotels. Good times."

The study analysed the social media posts of people rating overall intelligence from their output and linking it to uses of certain keywords and phrases.

"According to the study, Trump is a fuckwit," Professor Scrumps added. "The study doesn't lie."

Phrases that smarter people use include "gumption", "cut of your jib" and "no bad can possibly come from this".

Stoke Named Best Place In The World, Again

A survey of over 10,000 people in Stoke has found that the world's best place is Stoke.

"This result was not unexpected," said Dave Murray of the Cobridge Tourist Board. "This is not the first time we have taken this title, and it won't be the last. We are magnificent bastards."

London came in joint last place with 0 votes.

Here is a how the votes went:

Stoke - 90%

Paris - 3%

Kavos - 2%

Ibiza - 1%

Prague - 1%

Blackpool - 1%

Amsterdam - 1%

Benidorm - 1%

London - 0%