Cleetus van Rumple, the president of Derbyshire, has refused to comment on reports that the county has been lining troops along its border with Staffordshire.
"They're clearly there," hiker Jenny Shrimper said. "I was walking near the border and saw like twelve of them. They were looking up at the Sun and drooling like mongs."
"We dang not comment on dem matters of der warfare," President van Rumple told Nato via a comic strip.
"We're not concerned by this in the slightest," Barry Beagles, Stoke's city councillor for war said. "We're armed like bastards. Bring it on."
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