Stoke City management legend Tony Pulis has stunned the football world by leaving Crystal Palace after only ten months as their gaffer.
"Even though I'm a Scamps [Port Vale] fan, I love and admire Pulis," Dave Murray of the Cobridge Tourist Board said. "Though no reason has been given, I think we all know why; it's because TP has grown to hate London and its filthy Cockney inhabitants."
"London is a viper's nest full of tricksters, thieves and whores," Stoke City season ticket holder Doris Ahmed added. "And that's just the nice ones. I'm amazed Tony lasted this long to be honest. I'd have gone on a killing spree after ten months in that shithole."
Tony Pulis lookalike Gunther Kuntz has been contacted for his reaction but is too shocked to speak.
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