Bogdor Library

The Bogdor Library, situated just north of the Fegg Hayes Royal Botanical Gardens, is a rare example of a British 16th Century parish library.

Founded in around 1585 by Sir Bog Dorkins, it was established to provide an education for the choir boys of the local church, St Doug The Destroyers. It was later given to the church on a 750 year lease.

A large portion of the library still exists to this day and provides an insight into scholarship, religion and kiddy porn excused as art.

Most of the library's treasures are pictures of choir boys, in various states of athletic action and undress.

A definitive history of the Bogdor Library can be found in the book 'My choir boy likes to party all the time!' by Professor Hannah Stump-Bunting.

Wayne Biggins Winners

The monthly winners of the official Wayne Biggins drawing competition have been announced, and here they are.

"Hot Tub Tit Machine" by Mick Fadden

In first place is "Hot Tub Tit Machine" by Mick Fadden from Stockton Brook. He wins a signed picture of the man himself, a white Vauxhall Nova and entrance to the yearly champion of champions competition.

"Britannia Waynium" by Scott Barker

Second place is Scott Barker, with his picture "Britannia Waynium". Scott wins a year's supply of pikelets, courtesy of Munton's Pikelets.

"Portrait Of The Biggins As A Young Man" by Bev Collies

Third place is "Portrait Of The Biggins As A Young Man" by Bev Collies. Bev wins a date with a leading Wayne lookalike, after which she will be expected to put out.

"LL Cool Wayne" by Chris Beastall

In fourth place is "LL Cool Wayne" by Chris Beastall, aged 37. He wins nothing.

Beer Stop

Stoke City Council has confirmed that it plans to build off licences at all of the city's bus stops.

"Most bus stops I drive past are littered with beer cans," city councillor Jinky Watkins explained. "It seems that the city's bus users like their booze, so why not give them an outlet for them right there? Everyone's a winner."

Alcohol counsellor Sam Ronkers is not happy with the idea. "About 60% of Stoke's adults and 25% of kids are already alkies, I can't see this helping."

"This will create jobs and help booze hounds and layabout scroungers get easier access," Cllr Watkins added. "I don't see the problem here, I really don't. No bad can come from this."

Derbyshire Prepares Troops

Cleetus van Rumple, the president of Derbyshire, has refused to comment on reports that the county has been lining troops along its border with Staffordshire.

"They're clearly there," hiker Jenny  Shrimper said. "I was walking near the border and saw like twelve of them. They were looking up at the Sun and drooling like mongs."

"We dang not comment on dem matters of der warfare," President van Rumple told Nato via a comic strip.

"We're not concerned by this in the slightest," Barry Beagles, Stoke's city councillor for war said. "We're armed like bastards. Bring it on."