A local man has died by falling off a rooftop while masturbating, Staffordshire Police has confirmed.
"We don't know if it was suicide or if he was just too vigorous," police spokesman Barry Shanks said. "He may have just been peering over the edge to get a look at any totty below and lost his footing. Meh."
"I swear he was still tugging at it as he was falling," said eye witness Gary Spacker. "The eye contact with him was what made it uncomfortable for me."
"He went doing what he loved best," his mother Nora said at a wake in his honour. "I wish we could all be so lucky."
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