Nerd Punched For Not Shutting Up About How Good Super Mario Odyssey Is

Local gamer Derek Scragg found himself with reduced health earlier today when a work colleague punched him in the face!

Derek had spent the weekend playing the latest Nintendo Switch game 'Super Mario Odyssey' and decided to spend most of his day telling workmates how good it is.

"Aye, he wouldn't shut up about it," said the puncher, Terrence Pegg. "Just banging on about it all fucking day, did my head in. So yeah, I slopped his nut."

"I missed my chance at countering," Derek said. "I saw the warning symbol above his head but didn't press circle in time, as they say. It's a great game though, you really need to play it."

Stoke Turns Yellow As Storm Ophelia Gets Mad For It

Stoke got a yellowy glow for the first time in years today as Storm Ophelia blew sands from north Africa, making the sun appear red in the sky.

"This is the yellowest Stoke has been since the urine factory in Newstead exploded, sending a mist of stale piss across the city," environmental expert Humbert Leech said. "Good times."

Slowing drivers on the M6 caused massive pile-ups leading to thousands of deaths. Fortunately, most of this happened next to a morgue and cemetery for ease of collection.

Student Of History

By Steve Hyde, libtard and proud.

I'm about to start my 15th different degree course at Staffordshire University this month, thirteen more than the next best student in the uni's history. This year, I will be studying history. I know how lucky we are in this country to have such an advanced education system as I have travelled extensively to many of the poorer parts of the world and have seen first hand how stupid many people in those countries are. I'm ashamed to say that I exploited their stupidity on many occasions for my own benefit, getting them to do humiliating things for very little money and filming it for easy views in monetised videos on my YouTube channel. I could remove those videos but prefer to leave them up as a reminder of my past failings, and I give 10% of the ad revenue to charity.

To my fellow students, I say: keep learning, comrades! Together, we can take down the Man!