Stokemon

A group of local nerds are seeking funding to make a new video game they think will take off in a big way.

"The game will be an rpg called Stokemon," designer Barry Bosted explains. "You will play the main character called Dave Ketchup, who comes from a broken home but finds refuge as a footy hooligan. You must then travel round the country defeating (and capturing to join your gang) wild hooligans and trying to defeat the 15 rival gangs on their home turf. After completing that, you get to take on the Champions League Four, to find out once and for all who is the real champion of champions."

The game will initially be released in two versions: Stokemon Red and Stokemon White. In the red version, the antagonists will be Team Crewe, while in the white version, it will be Team Vale.

"We've not been inspired by Pokemon in any way, the suggestion is ludicrous," game creator Nigel Pledge says. "This is an entirely different type of game."

Anna Kendrick, Dream Girl

Hollywood has confirmed that rising star, and American sweetheart, Anna Kendrick is to be distributed to people in Stoke's dreams to help promote her current film Into The Woods, also starring Meryl Streep.

"Anna is one of the hottest properties in Hollywood right now," agent Arty Nickels said. "Everyone is a winner with this deal."

The dreams will vary from user-to-user, but will leave people with the lasting feeling that Anna Kendrick is adorable and that you need to see Into The Woods.

"In my dream, Anna came to my house and did all me housework," roofer Tom Bongo said. "Top bird."

"I dreamt that she messaged me on Facebook, came round my gaff, sucked me off then fucked off," unemployed layabout Nigel Monk said. "Perfect."

2014 Review: December

At the 2014 Staffordshire Awards, Stoke was named the county's best city again, while Cobridge was named the county's roughest area. Dick Whittington, starring Jonathan Wilkes, currently on in Hanley, was named show of the year. The bravery award went to Anthea Turner for going through her separation from husband Grant Bovey and man of the year was Peter Crouch.